The Stories You Tell Yourself—About Yourself
Dear Kindred Spirit,
I’ve been thinking a lot lately about, well, my thinking. The stories I tell myself about myself.
What I’ve noticed is that recently these stories have taken a turn for the negative, and I haven’t been very diligent about taking care of it.
I’ve been letting the stories fester and become like a cloud on my consciousness.
The main headline is this: I failed.
It doesn’t matter which area of my life I’m looking at—that is the lens I’m seeing it through.
I cannot tell you what a strong perfectionist streak I have. I just want to get everything right.
But in my vocation and creative life there is no manager other than me. No one to give me a grade. No one to tell me when I’ve done something right or wrong. And when the “I failed” story sets in, that is what I think.
Usually, I try to practice good mental hygiene. This is when I have a daily(ish) practice where I notice the stories I tell myself, try to spot the inaccuracies, and re-form the stories into something more true.
But without my being aware of it, this practice slipped through the cracks, and the sheen of my days has been dimming. Like a dark filter on a photo. The photo is still there, but it’s not as bright and brilliant.
The good news is that the first and most important step to transforming this state of being has already happened. I noticed it!
It’s hard to see these things, because the habit of our own thoughts tends to live in the shadows.
However, I noticed it one day as I was scrolling through social media. Afterward, I realized I felt kind of hopeless and like giving up. And like…what’s the point of all this work I do?
After noticing those thoughts I got curious: Why do I feel this way after being on my feed? Who am I following? What voices am I taking in?
I shifted my attention to cleaning up the external voices in my life—the books, the podcasts, the socials. I wanted more positivity and less fatalism. Not a naive positivity or a toxic positivity, but a positivity that was actually true.
Then, I took out my journal and did some good old fashioned writing. Writing and writing about where I’m at and how I got here. The kind of writing that helps me see my own thoughts.
I described my feelings. I described my energy. And as I wrote, this line came through… “I feel just like my mother. Like her energy has taken over.”
And, there it was. Without my noticing, an aspect of my mother’s lineage had come forward — this aspect is very scared, assumes failure before trying, and hides in the shadows while complaining about everyone else.
I sank into meditation, setting an intention to cut the cord to this aspect of the maternal energy in my life. And it was so beautiful. My mother’s Ancestors stepped forward, and they did the work to remove the cord.
Since then, I’ve felt more grounded. Like I’m seeing more clearly. Less afraid. Less shrinking. More realistic instead of fatalistic. What a breath of fresh air.
The “I failed” story is fading into the background. Instead, I’m living in the “I’m showing up” story, which is much more true. Look at me writing a newsletter. Check me out working on my book. See me going for a walk, moving my body, and eating healthy & delicious food. I’m showing up.
I have a new daily commitment to write in my journal. To notice my thoughts and feelings. To catch the downward turn before it takes over. To grow in my awareness of the energy in my own mind.
What am I thinking? What stories am I telling myself that simply aren’t true? What is true? That is where more joy lives—in the truths we tell ourselves.
—Emma
Hi, I’m Emma Basu. I’m a writer, tarot card reader, and book lover. My soul’s work is to help you find clarity amongst the chaos, meaning in the mundane, and purpose in your life’s winding journey.
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